orangecalvin
In-Training
Posts: 57
Pronouns: it/he but im also ok with neopronouns :+)
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Post by orangecalvin on Aug 20, 2023 0:52:45 GMT
inspired by another recent thread by mrsmoe, here is a thread where i will post poetry i've written! i've been writing poetry semi-seriously since 2021 in my notes app. i also feel it's worth mentioning that you may not understand the titles. this is ok. that is the way it's supposed to be. they are connections my brain makes when i think of what the poem is about.
WARNING! 98% of these are about pretty sensitive topics! i'll put more specific content warnings at the top of every post but i thought i should put this here.
also! comments are welcome and loved. please interact with me if you want to
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orangecalvin
In-Training
Posts: 57
Pronouns: it/he but im also ok with neopronouns :+)
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Post by orangecalvin on Aug 20, 2023 1:00:45 GMT
OK! number 1. this is called "mario image (alternatively, and and but)". it was written in 2022, and i know there was just a big warning but there's no content warnings for this one.
maybe it's years from now. our cities are crumbling, but they're overgrown with plants. this is a city still. rusted cars that will never travel again sit in streets and the words graveyards are carved in have been forgotten. abandoned houses lie full of memories of the dead. there are waterlogged pictures albums in the basement, but raccoons play in the rafters. and maybe there's a little girl gathering dandelions from the cracks in the sidewalk. roots have upturned concrete. she doesn't have anyone. she doesn't know it yet, but she will learn. and she won't care. because she's gathering flowers, now.
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orangecalvin
In-Training
Posts: 57
Pronouns: it/he but im also ok with neopronouns :+)
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Post by orangecalvin on Aug 20, 2023 1:08:33 GMT
"be fucking grateful", 2022. slight content warning for mentions of violence against transgender individuals. transgender, adjective. referring to a person who’s gender does not align with the sex assigned to them at birth.
i’m trans. are you? yo, your ass fat, what’s your pronouns?
being trans is feeling alone. being trans is being the first and the only that they’ve taught, met, seen, dated, mourned- being trans is being scared my friends will be killed by their dates. being trans is 375 murdered between october 2020 and september 2021, and being trans is 350 the year before that. being trans is 327 this year, maybe? who wasn’t counted? who wasn’t found?
who wasn’t found?
being trans is anywhere from 88 to 290 pages of names. being trans is 82% have considered and 40% have attempted. being trans is not wanting to become just another number. being trans is going to a graveyard and wondering how many are buried under the wrong name. being trans is wondering how many are buried under the right name only because they were outed after death. being trans is mourning.
being trans is hard, dude, but i’m doing it.
being trans is 1.4 million of us in this country alone, being trans is being the first one that they’ve taught, met, seen, dated, mourned - but not the last. being trans is seeing my friends celebrate their bodies. being trans is learning to love mine. being trans is building legos with the first of my friends to get top surgery.
the first, the only, but not the last.
being trans is opening the front door and letting in the rain. being trans is singing and laughing with your family and loving that this is where you belong.
being trans is being the first, the only, the new, the misunderstood, but still, miraculously, not alone
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orangecalvin
In-Training
Posts: 57
Pronouns: it/he but im also ok with neopronouns :+)
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Post by orangecalvin on Aug 20, 2023 1:10:30 GMT
"ins and outs and ups and downs", 2021.
children like me. come sit around, once and awhile, with your unfinished books broken hearts bleeding cuticles & poems.
come sit around with me on the steps of the abandoned library. they’re cracked and mossy and there are twigs scattered around, but the bugs will avoid you.
i’ll be telling the story of a little girl who filled herself with white hot love, so much so that she collapsed in on herself.
& out came a butterfly.
no. not a butterfly. that’s a stupid metaphor. it’s overused. more like…
a ladybug? bright! full of life! so young and vibrant, shooing away the bad bugs from your family garden and keeping the plants healthy.
but she’s not a lady, is she? she’s a fighter. she has bruises on her shins and scars on her hands. her children, under the pan in her house, remember them? they burned.
the pan roasted them alive as the fire raged & she can still hear their screams in her sleep & she’s still scared to bake & what if it happens again?
but she’s still here.
come sit around with me. my coat has pockets you can hide in. there’s beads & sewing needles & freeze dried peas in a basket. all the things you’d need to build a life of your own.
come sit around with me. it’s warm here, but it’s not a fire.
come sit around with me, and i’ll tell you there are always more children trapped in burning houses. it’s okay that you can’t help them all.
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orangecalvin
In-Training
Posts: 57
Pronouns: it/he but im also ok with neopronouns :+)
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Post by orangecalvin on Aug 20, 2023 1:11:39 GMT
"inside jokes from way back when", 2022. content warning for gore, but not super detailed. bones in a hole, dug up. unfossilized and angelfied. bugs living in them, beetles at a museum cleaning every last bit of flesh meat or hair. look at this: a boneless boy, all heart and guts.
diy surgery and homemade anesthesia, carve out your insides with an ice cream scooper and serve it to your guests. your blood bleeds red but you don’t feel human - do you read medical textbooks to learn about others or yourself?
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orangecalvin
In-Training
Posts: 57
Pronouns: it/he but im also ok with neopronouns :+)
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Post by orangecalvin on Aug 20, 2023 1:17:06 GMT
"yada yada blah blah blah", 2023. this one's about neurodivergent-specific ableism. which is way easier to write about then other disabilities i have, for some reason. you got a package in the mail two days ago. a physical copy of a piece of fanart for a group of friends’ parody of a video game made in 1998. made in humour, yes, but also made in love. you think you really absorbed that - they say try to be original with your humour…but it just so perfectly encapsulates what you want out of a show. making things for friends, not an audience. being close to people one cares about, knowing them so well, and trying to make them laugh. you want that. you’ve always wanted that. you’ve never had that.
i collect information. on bunnies, moths, otters, horses. tf2, splatoon, league of legends, celeste. washing machines, cooking, horror, kink culture and sex. it’s all very interesting. i could tell you about it if you’d like. oh, and - i can name every plane produced. don’t believe me? get this. ready? oh - oh. sorry, i bet you don’t want to listen to all that. pretty, uh, pretty cringe of me to want to know that, right?
you’ve always been interested in people. you think it’s because you crave to understand others. one reoccurring interest is the human culture surrounding stories. you read historical myths alongside internet creepypastas alongside speculative biology. anything that can satisfy this niche. you repeat to yourself why we do this over and over with the understanding you’ve puzzled out yourself. there’s just one continuous worry - how will we leave stories for the future where we’re gone?
oh - she thinks i’m funny? that’s good. i think. i wasn’t really trying to make a joke, but that’s okay, i guess. i won’t, like, look you in the eyes either way. oh, now i’m lying because i won’t? why don’t you believe me about my own boundaries? sorry! sorry, i didn’t mean to sound rude there. i don’t know how i sound sometimes.
you talk weird and you walk weird and you’re weird about your body. your roommate calls you gross when you peed in the communal showers with the water running - after the argument you googled it. y’know, to see if you actually really were disgusting like they said or if you just misunderstood something again - their tone maybe - like the stupid and fucked up thing you are.
it’s not unsanitary.
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orangecalvin
In-Training
Posts: 57
Pronouns: it/he but im also ok with neopronouns :+)
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Post by orangecalvin on Aug 20, 2023 1:25:31 GMT
"little baby", 2022. this is a letter-sort-of-thing to my aunt's baby. she was a stillborn in-between my cousins. i mention wooden angels, and if you want a visual of what i mean, google "willow tree angels." anyways, content warning for death and one sentence of very light gore. hey big cousin, how are you? i never met you, but i played with the wooden angels that symbolize your death. and i understand what it’s like to be carved from the cavity of someone’s stomach and discarded onto cool concrete, still wet and dazed from being in the dark so long. being cried over by people you don’t know. ugh. that sounds like some fucked up angsty vore fanfiction. i hope you don’t know what any of that is. anyways, is it nice there? i hope someone is taking care of you. i hope someone was there when you got to heaven or hell or whatever ethereal plane there is. i hope you didn’t have to grow up by yourself. can you hear us? do you listen? you would have been the big sibling i never had. i would have run this poem by you. i would have talked about kids you like even if i don’t like them too. i hope you’re doing okay. i hope it’s warm, wherever you are. i hope you have someone to tuck you in at night. i hope if you fall, if you spill, you have someone to pick you back up. love, your baby cousin
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orangecalvin
In-Training
Posts: 57
Pronouns: it/he but im also ok with neopronouns :+)
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Post by orangecalvin on Sept 4, 2023 1:07:31 GMT
"dear website," 2023. written entirely from excerpts of people's messages on thiswebsitewillselfdestruct.com. cw for mentions of suicide. Dear Website,
dear mom. dear dad. dear jett. dear ellie. dear everyone, part eleven.
i'm very happy right now. send motivation asap. i have big ambitions. i have a music reccomendation. write a song that makes you happy. does anyone want to play a game?
let's write a story.
let's make a list.
dear website, don't self destruct. i love your use of border-radius.
i just overslept. i don't want to sit in the office all day. i'm so tired. suicide is not a way out. i think my mental health is getting worse. that moment when you feel like life sucks. everything is just going down in my life right now. being eighteen is shitty so far. i don't know what's wrong with me.
it's okay to not be okay. did you know, not everyone likes it when it rains? has anyone found their own note yet?
i'm the oldest of three. today i found out my step brother died. nobody understands me. i'm feeling sad, but no one knows.
dear website, my name is maxwell, and i tried to kill myself. dear maxwell, please stay with us.
hey. don't do it. i love you so much. love you. love u. love yall.
dear website please help me. dear website i will miss you. i love you so much.
dear website, never thought i'd make it to twenty. dear website, i don't want to die. dear website, i want to go back home.
dear website, i have an amazing island in animal crossing. dear website, i'm so in love with my girlfriend. i love my girlfriend, her name is hen.
dear website, sometimes i don't want to be here either. but i still do it. dear website, today i was feeling better.
dear website, live long and prosper. dear website, i will carry on.
Dear Website,
it's been a pleasure to meet you.
see you again tomorrow?
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